It's This Damned Economy
May. 18th, 2011 04:23 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
hwrnmnbsolStanding outside his modest factory and workshop, Daniel sighed. He fumbled with the keys to the front door trying to lock it; his rheumatoid arthritis had been acting up, and he felt like he was losing control over his own hands. First his wife, then his business, and now his hands? It was too much.
Daniel got the key – the big bronze one, not the little silver one for the (empty) cash box – into the keyhole and turned it twice, hand over hand. Lucy from the real estate company would be by on Monday to put the lock box on; she had told him he could put the keys in her office dropbox over the weekend if he wanted. That was nice; it would free him up to leave town immediately if he wanted, although Daniel was damned if he knew where he would go or what he would do next.
Daniel caught a reflection in the glass of the door and stiffly turned around. There were three individuals standing at the curb watching him. Daniel knew them well. He sighed again.
"Look, I already told you," he said exasperatedly. "The business is closed. Forever. Kaput." He shuffled back to the door to pull the key out and put the keyring in his pocket. "I'm out of business."
"Just hear us out," said the Hardboiled Detective, his fedora tilted low over his eyes.
"Lunch is on us," added the Superspy in his clipped British accent.
"Come, Daniel Golding," said the Huntress from the Future. "Allow us to make one last appeal." Her shiny battle-suit reflected the neon glow from the factory sign as she and the rest turned to slowly walk up the road.
The sign flickered. It read, simply: 'MacGuffins'.
They sat at the counter at Berling's. Daniel had a chicken salad sandwich and a coffee. The others took turns talking.
"The absolute best was the Sapphire Monkey," said the Hardboiled Detective. The others grunted their approval. Even Daniel had to nod as he chewed.
"Yeah, that was something," continued the flatfoot in the trenchcoat. "Translucent, seemed to glow from within, but surprisingly heavy. Say, it wasn't really made of sapphire, was it?"
"Nah," said Daniel, wiping his mouth with his napkin. "Basically plastic. I added some lead shot for weight and put a little LED in the middle to give it that glow."
"You'd have never known it wasn't solid sapphire, I'll give you that," said the Superspy.
"Your MacGuffin craftsmanship was always the finest," added the Huntress from the Future. Her intensity made Daniel uncomfortable.
"Yeah, but the best thing about that monkey was that The Man with the Cane would have sold his own Grandmother to the glue factory to get it," grinned the Hardboiled Detective. "Oh, he chased me everywhere. The top of the Chrysler Building. Onto the Queen Mary. The guy would not quit." The glow of his cigarette carved deep shadows into his face. "I never did figure out why he wanted it so bad."
Daniel shrugged. "That's wasn't ever the point," he said.
"So what about that dreadful briefcase?" demanded the Superspy. "The one I had to find in two hours or everybody in Rome would die?"
"Yeah, well, I can't tell you too many tricks of the trade," said Daniel. "It's, you know, kind of a code of honor amongst MacGuffin makers. It's supposed to be an enigma, you know? But the case itself was pretty nice," he added. "Italian leather, hand stitched. Best quality."
"Italian leather," mused the Superspy. "Pity it got shot up."
"And the Xenon Device?" demanded the Huntress from the Future. "I raced The Demon Hand across time and space to destroy that relic before its powers could be harnessed for Evil. Was it just a shell of flashing lights and spinning colored discs?"
Daniel flashed a withering look at the Huntress from the Future. "Young lady," he said, "I don't know what kind of charlatan you take me for. I never made props. I made MacGuffins – the real, honest deal. Important artifacts, you know? Maybe I never let you know exactly why they were important, but I always guaranteed that there was a reason to find the stupid thing."
The Hardboiled Detective pointed at Daniel and leaned forward. "That's what I’m talking about," he said. "It's that professionalism that made your MacGuffins worth finding. Nobody does that anymore. And I do mean nobody. I've looked across the entire country…"
"…the entire globe, actually," inserted the Superspy.
"…really the entire universe," admitted the Huntress from the Future.
"…and nobody is making MacGuffins anymore. Nobody, Daniel!" The Hardboiled Detective mashed out in cigarette in his ashtray with real feeling.
"What shall we do?" asked the Huntress from the Future. "What shall we pursue?"
"Not bloody papers again," grumbled the Superspy. "Or stupid microdots. Where's the drama in chasing after something you can't even see?"
"I agree with you," said Daniel. "I got into this business because I believed in the idea that stories need quality dramatic elements to hang the action on. The world needs MacGuffins that people can believe in."
"Then why quit?" demanded the Huntress from the Future, smashing a gloved hand down on the countertop and making the dishes jump. "Daniel Golding of Earth, you must make the MacGuffins for us to seek across the cosmos, or the Universe will become static!"
"Don't you pin this on me!" Daniel was suddenly angry and red in the face. "I been at this for fifty years, and I’m tired! I can't make money at this no more! It's this damned economy! Plus I lost Martha last year, and I'm not getting no younger." He stabbed at his pie with his fork. "Mostly I'm just tired."
The others were quiet for a moment. "It's the end of an era," said the detective quietly.
"Nah," said Daniel, devouring his pie. "There's still the old things."
"What do you mean?" asked the Superspy suspiciously. "Chase after the same old gadgets and bric-a-brac we've been hunting for years?"
"No, I mean do a swap!" Daniel crossed his knife and fork. "You go after each others' stuff."
The Hardboiled Detective digested this. "You mean… some pulp villain could invent the Xenon Device?" he asked.
"Sure," said Daniel. "And you other two could go after…"
"…the Sapphire Monkey!" finished The Huntress from the Future and the Superspy simultaneously. They were excited; their eyes glowed. The three heroes eyed each other for a moment. Then, as if on some secret signal, they bolted out of their chairs and ran outside Berling's through different doors.
"I got the check," said Daniel to nobody. He finished his lunch, then stiffly got up, paid, and shuffled out of the diner.
He knew he could trace all of his MacGuffins. He had built a device into them just for that purpose, in case one of them had been lost from human memory. Perhaps that's what he could do, he mused – start a trade in clues to find missing MacGuffins. He could eBay them, or start some kind of online store.
Daniel turned to walk home, his steps energized with a new purpose.
Daniel got the key – the big bronze one, not the little silver one for the (empty) cash box – into the keyhole and turned it twice, hand over hand. Lucy from the real estate company would be by on Monday to put the lock box on; she had told him he could put the keys in her office dropbox over the weekend if he wanted. That was nice; it would free him up to leave town immediately if he wanted, although Daniel was damned if he knew where he would go or what he would do next.
Daniel caught a reflection in the glass of the door and stiffly turned around. There were three individuals standing at the curb watching him. Daniel knew them well. He sighed again.
"Look, I already told you," he said exasperatedly. "The business is closed. Forever. Kaput." He shuffled back to the door to pull the key out and put the keyring in his pocket. "I'm out of business."
"Just hear us out," said the Hardboiled Detective, his fedora tilted low over his eyes.
"Lunch is on us," added the Superspy in his clipped British accent.
"Come, Daniel Golding," said the Huntress from the Future. "Allow us to make one last appeal." Her shiny battle-suit reflected the neon glow from the factory sign as she and the rest turned to slowly walk up the road.
The sign flickered. It read, simply: 'MacGuffins'.
They sat at the counter at Berling's. Daniel had a chicken salad sandwich and a coffee. The others took turns talking.
"The absolute best was the Sapphire Monkey," said the Hardboiled Detective. The others grunted their approval. Even Daniel had to nod as he chewed.
"Yeah, that was something," continued the flatfoot in the trenchcoat. "Translucent, seemed to glow from within, but surprisingly heavy. Say, it wasn't really made of sapphire, was it?"
"Nah," said Daniel, wiping his mouth with his napkin. "Basically plastic. I added some lead shot for weight and put a little LED in the middle to give it that glow."
"You'd have never known it wasn't solid sapphire, I'll give you that," said the Superspy.
"Your MacGuffin craftsmanship was always the finest," added the Huntress from the Future. Her intensity made Daniel uncomfortable.
"Yeah, but the best thing about that monkey was that The Man with the Cane would have sold his own Grandmother to the glue factory to get it," grinned the Hardboiled Detective. "Oh, he chased me everywhere. The top of the Chrysler Building. Onto the Queen Mary. The guy would not quit." The glow of his cigarette carved deep shadows into his face. "I never did figure out why he wanted it so bad."
Daniel shrugged. "That's wasn't ever the point," he said.
"So what about that dreadful briefcase?" demanded the Superspy. "The one I had to find in two hours or everybody in Rome would die?"
"Yeah, well, I can't tell you too many tricks of the trade," said Daniel. "It's, you know, kind of a code of honor amongst MacGuffin makers. It's supposed to be an enigma, you know? But the case itself was pretty nice," he added. "Italian leather, hand stitched. Best quality."
"Italian leather," mused the Superspy. "Pity it got shot up."
"And the Xenon Device?" demanded the Huntress from the Future. "I raced The Demon Hand across time and space to destroy that relic before its powers could be harnessed for Evil. Was it just a shell of flashing lights and spinning colored discs?"
Daniel flashed a withering look at the Huntress from the Future. "Young lady," he said, "I don't know what kind of charlatan you take me for. I never made props. I made MacGuffins – the real, honest deal. Important artifacts, you know? Maybe I never let you know exactly why they were important, but I always guaranteed that there was a reason to find the stupid thing."
The Hardboiled Detective pointed at Daniel and leaned forward. "That's what I’m talking about," he said. "It's that professionalism that made your MacGuffins worth finding. Nobody does that anymore. And I do mean nobody. I've looked across the entire country…"
"…the entire globe, actually," inserted the Superspy.
"…really the entire universe," admitted the Huntress from the Future.
"…and nobody is making MacGuffins anymore. Nobody, Daniel!" The Hardboiled Detective mashed out in cigarette in his ashtray with real feeling.
"What shall we do?" asked the Huntress from the Future. "What shall we pursue?"
"Not bloody papers again," grumbled the Superspy. "Or stupid microdots. Where's the drama in chasing after something you can't even see?"
"I agree with you," said Daniel. "I got into this business because I believed in the idea that stories need quality dramatic elements to hang the action on. The world needs MacGuffins that people can believe in."
"Then why quit?" demanded the Huntress from the Future, smashing a gloved hand down on the countertop and making the dishes jump. "Daniel Golding of Earth, you must make the MacGuffins for us to seek across the cosmos, or the Universe will become static!"
"Don't you pin this on me!" Daniel was suddenly angry and red in the face. "I been at this for fifty years, and I’m tired! I can't make money at this no more! It's this damned economy! Plus I lost Martha last year, and I'm not getting no younger." He stabbed at his pie with his fork. "Mostly I'm just tired."
The others were quiet for a moment. "It's the end of an era," said the detective quietly.
"Nah," said Daniel, devouring his pie. "There's still the old things."
"What do you mean?" asked the Superspy suspiciously. "Chase after the same old gadgets and bric-a-brac we've been hunting for years?"
"No, I mean do a swap!" Daniel crossed his knife and fork. "You go after each others' stuff."
The Hardboiled Detective digested this. "You mean… some pulp villain could invent the Xenon Device?" he asked.
"Sure," said Daniel. "And you other two could go after…"
"…the Sapphire Monkey!" finished The Huntress from the Future and the Superspy simultaneously. They were excited; their eyes glowed. The three heroes eyed each other for a moment. Then, as if on some secret signal, they bolted out of their chairs and ran outside Berling's through different doors.
"I got the check," said Daniel to nobody. He finished his lunch, then stiffly got up, paid, and shuffled out of the diner.
He knew he could trace all of his MacGuffins. He had built a device into them just for that purpose, in case one of them had been lost from human memory. Perhaps that's what he could do, he mused – start a trade in clues to find missing MacGuffins. He could eBay them, or start some kind of online store.
Daniel turned to walk home, his steps energized with a new purpose.
