Guest List
Apr. 29th, 2011 10:55 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
hwrnmnbsolHello and good morning to all of America. I'm Jim Tonic and I'm here with Lily Ampule in Jolly Ole England, awaiting the royal wedding of the half-century.
That's right Jim, and hello from me as well. In only a very short time the carriage will come and whisk the dashing Prince Leo and his fiancée Bella down the road to Westminster Abbey to be joined in matrimony. The entire nation – indeed, Jim, the entire world – is riveted upon what will surely be a romantic spectacle.
Lily, one is forced to draw comparisons between this wedding and that of Leo's grandparents fifty years ago. When then-Prince William married his Kate, it seemed that the public's fascination with the royals could grow no keener. And yet here we are, with mobs of well-wishers turned out to view the procession, and record numbers of onlookers tuned in from across the globe.
Indeed Jim, one can only surmise that the number and caliber of luminaries in attendance at this event must be contributing to the sparking of public interest.
Certainly securing an invitation to this wedding has become this year's barometer for social status, Lily. But what do you make of the somewhat unusual decision to invite celebrities from other time periods?
It was a non-traditional gambit to be sure, Jim. But the Crown Prince is famously keen on time travel, and so the presence of important personages from across the breadth of human history was certain to become reality.
Gracious Lily, when I scan the Royal family's anticipated guest list, it reads like a virtual Who-Was-Who from across the reach of time.
Just a moment Jim, we're now seeing the young couple emerging from Buckingham Palace and crossing to the coach that will bear them to the church and their date with destiny.
See them wave to the crowd, Lily; this is truly a couple that is adored not only by British subjects but also persons around the world.
Jim, Bella's dress was designed by Charles Frederick Worth, 19th century dressmaker of royalty and inventor of Haute couture. He was specifically invited to leap forward to the present-day to make this beautiful flowing dress in the Victorian style with its long train and elaborate lacework.
Now Lily, surely when we say he was 'invited', we really mean he was drugged, abducted, and then mind-wiped when returned to his original time period, isn't that so?
That's a rather crude way of putting it, Jim, but the truth is that the importance of avoiding any temporal paradoxes does make certain measures necessary.
I do beg your pardon Lily, and also that of the Royal family. Now who is this staggering out of the palace?
I believe that is Sir Isaac Newton, Knight of the Realm, former Member of Parliament, and Lucasian Professor of Mathematics at Cambridge. Oh, I see: he has escaped his handlers and is attempting to flee. There, they have him in hand now. Oh, and look; here's the King!
Indeed Lily, there's the fanfare for King William who remains popular after all these years with his subjects. He's waving now, looking very dapper in his military regalia. Now he's stepping into the Royal Coach. Oh, it appears Sir Isaac Newton is his special guest at this occasion instead of the Queen, who we hope will have a speedy recovery from her illness. They've stuffed Sir Isaac inside the carriage, and it appears that his wig is askew.
That's a shameful lack of decorum for a guest at a royal wedding. Jim, we go now to Westminster Abbey, where Scooter Crabbes is monitoring the situation. Scooter, are there developments on your end?
There certainly are, Lily; famous persons are arriving by the hoverload. Just now we have seen a rather vacant-eyed Marilyn Monroe ushered inside the church on the arm of Prince Archie, who I understand has always been rather keen on the starlet from the middle portion of the previous century.
Scooter, is it true that her hat conceals a pacification device?
That's true, Lily; her fascinator not only contains delicate electrodes attached to her hindbrain that keep her from making a scene in her disoriented state, but it's also an elegant fashion statement!
I couldn't agree more, Scooter. But who is this fellow arriving by limousine?
You won't believe it, Lily, but that's Jesus of Nazareth. See how nicely he cleans up in top hat and a morning coat by Pierotte and Wellesley.
He looks very dapper, Scooter, but I imagine it will be confusing to him being referred to repeatedly in the wedding service.
It was a matter that was discussed by the event planners, Lily, and nobody wished to avoid awkward social situations more than the Royal family, but Bella in particular was quite eager to have Jesus as a guest at the wedding. This is the bride's big day, Lily, so you can imagine how eager Leo was to have her request accommodated.
Is that Elton John I see coming up the walk now, Scooter?
Actually that's two Elton Johns, Lily; it's young Elton John resplendent in Union Jack tails, carrying the glass jar containing the brain of present-day Elton John.
I love the glitter in his neural preserving fluid, Scooter. Who's his lovely escort?
That's the Lady Diana Spenser, the groom's great-grandmother and a confidente of Elton John. King William always regretted that his mother couldn't attend his own wedding, but thanks to the miracle of modern technology, she's been able to attend every Royal wedding ever since.
Scooter, we're returning to Buckingham Palace once again as events are beginning to unfold here. Jim, am I to understand that the Parade of Sovereigns is beginning?
That's right Lily, and this is a moment that poses a vexing challenge of etiquette for the Royal event planners. The idea is to have every King and Queen of England in attendance at the wedding, but there's some question regarding which king was truly the first king. Traditionally the list has begun with Henry the Second, but this year they have brought in the Kings of Wessex, more than three centuries before the rule of the Plantagenets…
I think our viewers are dying of boredom, Jim. What are the kings wearing?
Lily, their wedding wear is all modern and matching, provided by Armani, but their body lice are strictly period. I believe Elizabeth I is in Dolce and Gabbana.
We go back now to Westminster Abbey, where I understand that the carriage of Leo and Bella is arriving. Scooter?
Yes Lily, the door is open and Bella and that gorgeous train are heading up the steps. And there's Thomas Becket at the top, set to officiate the ceremony, welcoming the bride and groom.
That should be interesting, Scooter, as he speaks mainly Latin and Middle English.
Cross-time communication is all about the hand gestures and body language, Lily. I'm sure it will go fine, assuming nobody assassinates anybody, ha ha!
Ha ha! Thanks Scooter; and as the happy couple enters the Abbey, we break for station identification and a series of subliminal advertisements. After we return: the tossing of the bouquet to Henry VIII's wives, Oscar Wilde offers the wedding toast, and Marie Antoinette will supervise the cutting of the cake. Stay tuned!
That's right Jim, and hello from me as well. In only a very short time the carriage will come and whisk the dashing Prince Leo and his fiancée Bella down the road to Westminster Abbey to be joined in matrimony. The entire nation – indeed, Jim, the entire world – is riveted upon what will surely be a romantic spectacle.
Lily, one is forced to draw comparisons between this wedding and that of Leo's grandparents fifty years ago. When then-Prince William married his Kate, it seemed that the public's fascination with the royals could grow no keener. And yet here we are, with mobs of well-wishers turned out to view the procession, and record numbers of onlookers tuned in from across the globe.
Indeed Jim, one can only surmise that the number and caliber of luminaries in attendance at this event must be contributing to the sparking of public interest.
Certainly securing an invitation to this wedding has become this year's barometer for social status, Lily. But what do you make of the somewhat unusual decision to invite celebrities from other time periods?
It was a non-traditional gambit to be sure, Jim. But the Crown Prince is famously keen on time travel, and so the presence of important personages from across the breadth of human history was certain to become reality.
Gracious Lily, when I scan the Royal family's anticipated guest list, it reads like a virtual Who-Was-Who from across the reach of time.
Just a moment Jim, we're now seeing the young couple emerging from Buckingham Palace and crossing to the coach that will bear them to the church and their date with destiny.
See them wave to the crowd, Lily; this is truly a couple that is adored not only by British subjects but also persons around the world.
Jim, Bella's dress was designed by Charles Frederick Worth, 19th century dressmaker of royalty and inventor of Haute couture. He was specifically invited to leap forward to the present-day to make this beautiful flowing dress in the Victorian style with its long train and elaborate lacework.
Now Lily, surely when we say he was 'invited', we really mean he was drugged, abducted, and then mind-wiped when returned to his original time period, isn't that so?
That's a rather crude way of putting it, Jim, but the truth is that the importance of avoiding any temporal paradoxes does make certain measures necessary.
I do beg your pardon Lily, and also that of the Royal family. Now who is this staggering out of the palace?
I believe that is Sir Isaac Newton, Knight of the Realm, former Member of Parliament, and Lucasian Professor of Mathematics at Cambridge. Oh, I see: he has escaped his handlers and is attempting to flee. There, they have him in hand now. Oh, and look; here's the King!
Indeed Lily, there's the fanfare for King William who remains popular after all these years with his subjects. He's waving now, looking very dapper in his military regalia. Now he's stepping into the Royal Coach. Oh, it appears Sir Isaac Newton is his special guest at this occasion instead of the Queen, who we hope will have a speedy recovery from her illness. They've stuffed Sir Isaac inside the carriage, and it appears that his wig is askew.
That's a shameful lack of decorum for a guest at a royal wedding. Jim, we go now to Westminster Abbey, where Scooter Crabbes is monitoring the situation. Scooter, are there developments on your end?
There certainly are, Lily; famous persons are arriving by the hoverload. Just now we have seen a rather vacant-eyed Marilyn Monroe ushered inside the church on the arm of Prince Archie, who I understand has always been rather keen on the starlet from the middle portion of the previous century.
Scooter, is it true that her hat conceals a pacification device?
That's true, Lily; her fascinator not only contains delicate electrodes attached to her hindbrain that keep her from making a scene in her disoriented state, but it's also an elegant fashion statement!
I couldn't agree more, Scooter. But who is this fellow arriving by limousine?
You won't believe it, Lily, but that's Jesus of Nazareth. See how nicely he cleans up in top hat and a morning coat by Pierotte and Wellesley.
He looks very dapper, Scooter, but I imagine it will be confusing to him being referred to repeatedly in the wedding service.
It was a matter that was discussed by the event planners, Lily, and nobody wished to avoid awkward social situations more than the Royal family, but Bella in particular was quite eager to have Jesus as a guest at the wedding. This is the bride's big day, Lily, so you can imagine how eager Leo was to have her request accommodated.
Is that Elton John I see coming up the walk now, Scooter?
Actually that's two Elton Johns, Lily; it's young Elton John resplendent in Union Jack tails, carrying the glass jar containing the brain of present-day Elton John.
I love the glitter in his neural preserving fluid, Scooter. Who's his lovely escort?
That's the Lady Diana Spenser, the groom's great-grandmother and a confidente of Elton John. King William always regretted that his mother couldn't attend his own wedding, but thanks to the miracle of modern technology, she's been able to attend every Royal wedding ever since.
Scooter, we're returning to Buckingham Palace once again as events are beginning to unfold here. Jim, am I to understand that the Parade of Sovereigns is beginning?
That's right Lily, and this is a moment that poses a vexing challenge of etiquette for the Royal event planners. The idea is to have every King and Queen of England in attendance at the wedding, but there's some question regarding which king was truly the first king. Traditionally the list has begun with Henry the Second, but this year they have brought in the Kings of Wessex, more than three centuries before the rule of the Plantagenets…
I think our viewers are dying of boredom, Jim. What are the kings wearing?
Lily, their wedding wear is all modern and matching, provided by Armani, but their body lice are strictly period. I believe Elizabeth I is in Dolce and Gabbana.
We go back now to Westminster Abbey, where I understand that the carriage of Leo and Bella is arriving. Scooter?
Yes Lily, the door is open and Bella and that gorgeous train are heading up the steps. And there's Thomas Becket at the top, set to officiate the ceremony, welcoming the bride and groom.
That should be interesting, Scooter, as he speaks mainly Latin and Middle English.
Cross-time communication is all about the hand gestures and body language, Lily. I'm sure it will go fine, assuming nobody assassinates anybody, ha ha!
Ha ha! Thanks Scooter; and as the happy couple enters the Abbey, we break for station identification and a series of subliminal advertisements. After we return: the tossing of the bouquet to Henry VIII's wives, Oscar Wilde offers the wedding toast, and Marie Antoinette will supervise the cutting of the cake. Stay tuned!
