Electronic Warfare
Feb. 28th, 2011 08:08 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
hwrnmnbsolThe Gromm High Command was meeting at the Intelligence Gathering Collective’s assembly pod. It was an enormous space built of spun aluminum hexagonal prisms, and the Gromm worker caste had extruded comfortable resin shelves into this matrix for their leaders to reside in. The dozen Gromm generals, scientists and analysts sat around a central podium and fanned their wings to keep the pod cool.
Assomi-som, most senior general and Leads-From-the-Apex, was in a foul mood. The tubules along the sides of his thorax burned an incandescent green, indicating his general peevishness. “Ussami-gul,” buzzed the general shrilly, “Hive-of-the-Vengeful-Swarm has crossed the orbit of Sol’s outermost planet. It will not be long before we will be fighting for our lives to eradicate humankind or be eradicated. Would you not agree that now is a little late to be raising concerns regarding what we know about our enemy?”
Ussami-gul picked his words carefully and pitched his keenings as sweetly and deferentially as possible. “Assomi-som, doubtlessly you are correct,” said the xenosociologist. “We have been monitoring the Earth broadcasts for almost five of the humans’ generations, and we have built a physiological and psychological profile of the species that we believe will serve our Battle Plan well. We know about their sensitivity to pain and discomfort, for instance; we know what disables and kills them. We know what they hate and fear, and we know what they love and respect. They, meanwhile, know no such things about us, and this advantage will allow us to prevail.”
“We know all that,” replied Assomi-som crossly. “If that’s still the case, why have you convened this meeting?”
“Recent broadcasts from Earth, those from the last ten years or so, have introduced some anomalous data into the models,” Ussami-gul said. “We’re getting information that suggests our picture of the humans may not be as accurate as we had hoped. It worries me that things have changed so radically. It certainly suggests that the humans may be intentionally sending out misleading broadcasts to damage our Battle Plan.”
“But that would mean the humans know we are here!” trumpeted Igguzi-rup, his mouth-parts nictitating agitatedly.
“Soothe yourself, Igguzi-rup,” Assomi-som said. “Yes, I see why you were concerned, Ussami-gul, and it was wise of you to bring this to the attention of the High Council. Tell us more about these aberrant transmissions.”
“The humans,” intoned Ussami-gul, “call them ‘reality television’.”
“Wait wait wait,” said Uffiti-bru impatiently. “This isn’t like that ‘Candid Camera’ show with the very droll Alan Funt, is it?”
“Or Cops?” asked Igguzi-rup. “That show was most useful in illuminating the capabilities of their civilian police force.”
“Those are both examples of early sorts of ‘reality television’,” replied Ussami-gul, “but the most recent generation of humans enjoys a rather different sort of realistic program. Some of these programs cause us to doubt what we think we know about humanity.” He turned on his projector and began showing clips of human television programming.
“We believe, for instance, that humans rely heavily on their immediate family structure for emotional and practical support. Indeed, an important part of the Battle Plan is to cut global communications, both military and civil, in part to disrupt the ability of geographically distributed families to partake of their common social bond. However, here we have a show called ‘Keeping Up With the Kardashians’.”
The High Command watched the show. “Note how the young-adult females constantly bicker and screech at each other,” Ussami-gul observed. “Further, the adult patriarch and matriarch constantly engage in petty feuding and scheming to gain the upper hand over one another. Here we have a family that does not seem to care for each other at all! And the fact that the humans watch this sort of thing suggests that they find this behavior admirable in some way.”
“Perhaps this family has gone insane, and the humans are enjoying watching their illogical behavior,” suggested Uffiti-bru.
“It is possible,” Ussami-gul admitted. “But throughout this show, it is made plain that this family is wealthy and famous. Everything we know about humans suggests that they covet wealth and fame, and therefore should covet the lives of the Kardashian family. For them to mock and reject this family would mean that our entire social model is flawed.”
“I don’t see how this is tremendously relevant to our battle plan,” complained Assomi-som. “So perhaps we have a few minor details of human psychology that could use some tweaking. That hardly spells doom for our impending invasion.”
“Let me give you another example,” suggested Ussami-gul. “This show is called ‘Survivor’. The show is a sort of contest where participants attempt to be the last person left; that person gets a prize. Along the way, they split into teams and elect leaders.”
“Ah yes, the famous human representative democracy in action,” purred Assomi-som. “When we eliminate all of Earth’s leaders simultaneously via remote drones, we will cripple their ability to fight back!”
“Will we?” asked Ussami-gul. “You see, in ‘Survivor’, the contestants are constantly plotting against any person in a position of leadership, hoping to bring them down so that they themselves will have a chance to ascend. We thought that humans respected and relied upon their leaders, but this show contradicts that. What can it mean?”
“Now, now,” chided Opporo-hip. “The Battle Plan is more robust than you give us credit, young Ussami-gul. We have many ways to strike at the humans, you know. We could disrupt their ability to mate and procreate, for instance.”
Ussami-gul reached for image-chits in quick succession. “This show depicts a squadron of males competing for the love of a single female. THIS show depicts the same thing in reverse. How do you hope to disrupt such sexual drive? Then here’s a show where humans of both genders vie for a single female. They’re resourceful!”
Opporo-hip did not like being so insolently addressed. “Then we shall target their soft children,” she said.
“This show,” said Ussami-gul, waving a chit in the air, “shows a woman birthing eight children in two large litters, then raising them despite her mate departing. How can you target the children when the humans can produce new ones faster than they can be destroyed?”
There was silence in the assembly pod. Finally Assomi-som spoke.
“It is as if they had come into possession of the Battle Plan,” he mused.
“Hence my concern, Leads-From-the-Apex,” replied Ussami-gul.
“We already know that they are formidable in battle,” said Uffiti-bru. “We need both the element of surprise and the ability to throw them off balance to win the coming conflict.”
“Bah!” said Igguzi-rup. “I don’t think we have lost either. I think the humans are merely being clever in that they engage in electronic warfare continuously. They beam this claptrap into space routinely just to keep invaders guessing. Well, it’s not working on me.” He picked up several chits from Ussami-gul’s pile.
“This show, this ‘Fear Factor’,” he sneered. “Where the humans face their greatest fears. That can’t be anything but propaganda, a transparent attempt to make us believe they are brave. And this one, ‘The Mole’, where a group uncovers which of their number is a traitor? You can’t possibly tell me they aren’t trying to make us think that it’s impossible to infiltrate them!”
Ussami-gul shrugged. “Yes, but….”
“Enough!” Igguzi-rup whirled on the leader of the High Command.
“Assomi-som,” he said, “I am chief author of the Battle Plan. I implore you not to stray from the blueprint for Total Gromm Victory.”
Ussami-Gul stepped forward. “And I,” said the sociologist, “beg you to reconsider our strategies based on this vital new information.” The two rivals glared at one another.
Assomi-som raised two pincers to command silence. “There is only one way to settle this,” he said.
“A vote?” suggested Uffiti-bru.
“No,” replied Assomi-som coldly. “I shall divide the High Command into two teams. You shall engage in a series of challenges….”
Assomi-som, most senior general and Leads-From-the-Apex, was in a foul mood. The tubules along the sides of his thorax burned an incandescent green, indicating his general peevishness. “Ussami-gul,” buzzed the general shrilly, “Hive-of-the-Vengeful-Swarm has crossed the orbit of Sol’s outermost planet. It will not be long before we will be fighting for our lives to eradicate humankind or be eradicated. Would you not agree that now is a little late to be raising concerns regarding what we know about our enemy?”
Ussami-gul picked his words carefully and pitched his keenings as sweetly and deferentially as possible. “Assomi-som, doubtlessly you are correct,” said the xenosociologist. “We have been monitoring the Earth broadcasts for almost five of the humans’ generations, and we have built a physiological and psychological profile of the species that we believe will serve our Battle Plan well. We know about their sensitivity to pain and discomfort, for instance; we know what disables and kills them. We know what they hate and fear, and we know what they love and respect. They, meanwhile, know no such things about us, and this advantage will allow us to prevail.”
“We know all that,” replied Assomi-som crossly. “If that’s still the case, why have you convened this meeting?”
“Recent broadcasts from Earth, those from the last ten years or so, have introduced some anomalous data into the models,” Ussami-gul said. “We’re getting information that suggests our picture of the humans may not be as accurate as we had hoped. It worries me that things have changed so radically. It certainly suggests that the humans may be intentionally sending out misleading broadcasts to damage our Battle Plan.”
“But that would mean the humans know we are here!” trumpeted Igguzi-rup, his mouth-parts nictitating agitatedly.
“Soothe yourself, Igguzi-rup,” Assomi-som said. “Yes, I see why you were concerned, Ussami-gul, and it was wise of you to bring this to the attention of the High Council. Tell us more about these aberrant transmissions.”
“The humans,” intoned Ussami-gul, “call them ‘reality television’.”
“Wait wait wait,” said Uffiti-bru impatiently. “This isn’t like that ‘Candid Camera’ show with the very droll Alan Funt, is it?”
“Or Cops?” asked Igguzi-rup. “That show was most useful in illuminating the capabilities of their civilian police force.”
“Those are both examples of early sorts of ‘reality television’,” replied Ussami-gul, “but the most recent generation of humans enjoys a rather different sort of realistic program. Some of these programs cause us to doubt what we think we know about humanity.” He turned on his projector and began showing clips of human television programming.
“We believe, for instance, that humans rely heavily on their immediate family structure for emotional and practical support. Indeed, an important part of the Battle Plan is to cut global communications, both military and civil, in part to disrupt the ability of geographically distributed families to partake of their common social bond. However, here we have a show called ‘Keeping Up With the Kardashians’.”
The High Command watched the show. “Note how the young-adult females constantly bicker and screech at each other,” Ussami-gul observed. “Further, the adult patriarch and matriarch constantly engage in petty feuding and scheming to gain the upper hand over one another. Here we have a family that does not seem to care for each other at all! And the fact that the humans watch this sort of thing suggests that they find this behavior admirable in some way.”
“Perhaps this family has gone insane, and the humans are enjoying watching their illogical behavior,” suggested Uffiti-bru.
“It is possible,” Ussami-gul admitted. “But throughout this show, it is made plain that this family is wealthy and famous. Everything we know about humans suggests that they covet wealth and fame, and therefore should covet the lives of the Kardashian family. For them to mock and reject this family would mean that our entire social model is flawed.”
“I don’t see how this is tremendously relevant to our battle plan,” complained Assomi-som. “So perhaps we have a few minor details of human psychology that could use some tweaking. That hardly spells doom for our impending invasion.”
“Let me give you another example,” suggested Ussami-gul. “This show is called ‘Survivor’. The show is a sort of contest where participants attempt to be the last person left; that person gets a prize. Along the way, they split into teams and elect leaders.”
“Ah yes, the famous human representative democracy in action,” purred Assomi-som. “When we eliminate all of Earth’s leaders simultaneously via remote drones, we will cripple their ability to fight back!”
“Will we?” asked Ussami-gul. “You see, in ‘Survivor’, the contestants are constantly plotting against any person in a position of leadership, hoping to bring them down so that they themselves will have a chance to ascend. We thought that humans respected and relied upon their leaders, but this show contradicts that. What can it mean?”
“Now, now,” chided Opporo-hip. “The Battle Plan is more robust than you give us credit, young Ussami-gul. We have many ways to strike at the humans, you know. We could disrupt their ability to mate and procreate, for instance.”
Ussami-gul reached for image-chits in quick succession. “This show depicts a squadron of males competing for the love of a single female. THIS show depicts the same thing in reverse. How do you hope to disrupt such sexual drive? Then here’s a show where humans of both genders vie for a single female. They’re resourceful!”
Opporo-hip did not like being so insolently addressed. “Then we shall target their soft children,” she said.
“This show,” said Ussami-gul, waving a chit in the air, “shows a woman birthing eight children in two large litters, then raising them despite her mate departing. How can you target the children when the humans can produce new ones faster than they can be destroyed?”
There was silence in the assembly pod. Finally Assomi-som spoke.
“It is as if they had come into possession of the Battle Plan,” he mused.
“Hence my concern, Leads-From-the-Apex,” replied Ussami-gul.
“We already know that they are formidable in battle,” said Uffiti-bru. “We need both the element of surprise and the ability to throw them off balance to win the coming conflict.”
“Bah!” said Igguzi-rup. “I don’t think we have lost either. I think the humans are merely being clever in that they engage in electronic warfare continuously. They beam this claptrap into space routinely just to keep invaders guessing. Well, it’s not working on me.” He picked up several chits from Ussami-gul’s pile.
“This show, this ‘Fear Factor’,” he sneered. “Where the humans face their greatest fears. That can’t be anything but propaganda, a transparent attempt to make us believe they are brave. And this one, ‘The Mole’, where a group uncovers which of their number is a traitor? You can’t possibly tell me they aren’t trying to make us think that it’s impossible to infiltrate them!”
Ussami-gul shrugged. “Yes, but….”
“Enough!” Igguzi-rup whirled on the leader of the High Command.
“Assomi-som,” he said, “I am chief author of the Battle Plan. I implore you not to stray from the blueprint for Total Gromm Victory.”
Ussami-Gul stepped forward. “And I,” said the sociologist, “beg you to reconsider our strategies based on this vital new information.” The two rivals glared at one another.
Assomi-som raised two pincers to command silence. “There is only one way to settle this,” he said.
“A vote?” suggested Uffiti-bru.
“No,” replied Assomi-som coldly. “I shall divide the High Command into two teams. You shall engage in a series of challenges….”
