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The Monster Channel
Jul. 22nd, 2010 11:18 amwhich is almost twelve stories tall, Devin!
Remarkable, Lucinda. Thanks, and cute blouse! Now we're going straight to Senior Monster-Tracker Mike Del Torre, who is live and on location in Puerto Rico! Mike, what's the situation in the Caribbean?
Devin, this tropical monster invasion is named 'Greta', and satellite photography indicates she's some sort of giant mutant crab. Greta is almost twenty miles across from palp to palp, which means the National Monster Tracking Center has upgraded her to a Category Three tropical monster. She's about eighty miles out from San Juan, but as you can see from the stiff breeze, already she's spewing hydrogen sulfide in preparation for her attack. And listen to her roar, Devin!
Mike, I can see the trees whipping around pretty good over there!
Yes Devin, that's Greta's bat-fungoid servitors creating tornadoes with their wing downdrafts. It's starting to get a little extreme out here -- one of my cameramen was just carried off screaming -- so I think we're going to get inside.
Stay safe Mike! Let's go now to Libby Lewis at the Tracking Center. Libby, what's Greta's path?
Devin, there's always plenty of uncertainty, but the various models are starting to converge. Increasingly it is believed that Florida will be too tempting a food source for Greta to pass up. As you can see from the charts, we're expecting her to pass right over Puerto Rico, turn to the west-northwest and begin devouring the Turks and Caicos some time tomorrow late evening.
Libby, is there any chance that Greta will slow down and grow stronger before making landfall?
There's always that chance, Devin, but the models show that this makes it more likely for her to turn northwards towards the remains of Finley, who is licking his wounds in the Atlantic after being repelled by cruise missiles. If they collide, we're talking monster battle royale!
Ha, ha! Many thanks to the extremely attractive Libby, and we'll be back with the National Overview after your local reports.
YOUR MONSTER REPORT - ON THE 8's!
12:58 PM GREATER HOUSTON AREA
VAMPIRE ACTIVITY: LOW / OOZE ACTIVITY: HIGH
FORECAST: INITIALLY CALM AND QUIET WITH A SLIGHT CHANCE OF GIANT BEES IN THE LATE AFTERNOON AND EARLY EVENING / INCREASED MASSING OF SHOGGOTH FORMATIONS OVERNIGHT CULMINATING IN MORNING MASS INSANITY AND BASEMENT ATTACKS / ASSAULT ON COMMUNAL SUBCONSCIOUS FROM PSYCHIC PARASITES LIKELY THROUGHOUT REMAINDER OF WEEK
THIS WEEK'S TERROR:
MONDAY - NICE
TUESDAY - NICE
WEDNESDAY - DIRE
THURSDAY - NICE
FRIDAY - DIRE/CATASTROPHIC
WEEKEND - DOOM
Remarkable, Lucinda. Thanks, and cute blouse! Now we're going straight to Senior Monster-Tracker Mike Del Torre, who is live and on location in Puerto Rico! Mike, what's the situation in the Caribbean?
Devin, this tropical monster invasion is named 'Greta', and satellite photography indicates she's some sort of giant mutant crab. Greta is almost twenty miles across from palp to palp, which means the National Monster Tracking Center has upgraded her to a Category Three tropical monster. She's about eighty miles out from San Juan, but as you can see from the stiff breeze, already she's spewing hydrogen sulfide in preparation for her attack. And listen to her roar, Devin!
Mike, I can see the trees whipping around pretty good over there!
Yes Devin, that's Greta's bat-fungoid servitors creating tornadoes with their wing downdrafts. It's starting to get a little extreme out here -- one of my cameramen was just carried off screaming -- so I think we're going to get inside.
Stay safe Mike! Let's go now to Libby Lewis at the Tracking Center. Libby, what's Greta's path?
Devin, there's always plenty of uncertainty, but the various models are starting to converge. Increasingly it is believed that Florida will be too tempting a food source for Greta to pass up. As you can see from the charts, we're expecting her to pass right over Puerto Rico, turn to the west-northwest and begin devouring the Turks and Caicos some time tomorrow late evening.
Libby, is there any chance that Greta will slow down and grow stronger before making landfall?
There's always that chance, Devin, but the models show that this makes it more likely for her to turn northwards towards the remains of Finley, who is licking his wounds in the Atlantic after being repelled by cruise missiles. If they collide, we're talking monster battle royale!
Ha, ha! Many thanks to the extremely attractive Libby, and we'll be back with the National Overview after your local reports.
YOUR MONSTER REPORT - ON THE 8's!
12:58 PM GREATER HOUSTON AREA
VAMPIRE ACTIVITY: LOW / OOZE ACTIVITY: HIGH
FORECAST: INITIALLY CALM AND QUIET WITH A SLIGHT CHANCE OF GIANT BEES IN THE LATE AFTERNOON AND EARLY EVENING / INCREASED MASSING OF SHOGGOTH FORMATIONS OVERNIGHT CULMINATING IN MORNING MASS INSANITY AND BASEMENT ATTACKS / ASSAULT ON COMMUNAL SUBCONSCIOUS FROM PSYCHIC PARASITES LIKELY THROUGHOUT REMAINDER OF WEEK
THIS WEEK'S TERROR:
MONDAY - NICE
TUESDAY - NICE
WEDNESDAY - DIRE
THURSDAY - NICE
FRIDAY - DIRE/CATASTROPHIC
WEEKEND - DOOM
