Baby Company Policy

BABY COMPANY POLICY v1.4 revised 6-23-05

ADDENDUM 4: Placing Baby in the Corner is Not Appropriate

It has come to the attention of senior management that company employees have been putting Baby in the corner. Putting Baby in the corner is not an acceptable use of company assets and is expressly forbidden. Effective immediately, employees found to be abusing this policy will be subject to disciplinary action, up to and including possible termination. To help address employee concerns regarding this policy, please refer to the following FAQ list:

Q: May I put Baby in the corner?

A: No. Nobody puts Baby in the corner.

Q: May I put Baby in the corner during my lunch break, or after working hours?

A: No. While on company premises, Baby shall not be put in the corner.

Q: May I put myself in the corner?

A: This policy is not intended to prevent employees from placing themselves in the corner during normal performance of their working duties. Employees may put themselves in the corner provided they have obtained approval from their manager, and they do not put Baby in the corner in the process.

Q: Can senior management put Baby in the corner?

A: From time to time it may be necessary for the company officers to direct employees to put Baby in the corner. Such instances will be rare, and will require written authorization. Remember that it is our company policy never to put Baby in the corner, and we intend to apply this policy consistently.

Q: What should I do if I see Baby in the corner?

A: Remove Baby from the corner immediately and relocate her to a position closer to the center of the room. Baby can be put along a single wall, but locating Baby at an intersection of two or more walls is unacceptable.

Q: What should I do if I see another employee putting Baby in the corner?

A: Contact your manager immediately. Nobody puts Baby in the corner.

This concludes the addendum to the Baby Company Policy. Direct any questions regarding the appropriate operation and placement of Baby to your manager or a Human Resources representative.

Alpha Culture [100 words]

When the alpha male in primate groups dies, there is an interval of destabilized pecking order as the remaining males compete. When one becomes dominant, its body chemistry changes and produces physical alterations causing it to resemble and act like alpha males. Prior to the change, it was like the rest.

The same is true of cultures. When a victorious society holds ascendancy for a period of time, macroscopic shifts occur that cause it collectively to behave like a conquering empire. Initially this culture may have been egalitarian, but eventually it turns elitist.

This explains why us Americans are dicks.