[personal profile] hwrnmnbsol
Dear Mister Castle:

I am glad that you will be teaching Katherine's class in 5th grade. Katherine loved having you as a teacher several years ago and is excited about being a part of your class once again. Katherine's mother and I look forward to seeing great things coming out of your 5th graders!

I understand that you have given the parents of your students an assignment. We are tasked with writing you a letter about our child, so that you can get to know your students better. I think this is a wonderful idea and I'm happy to participate in this assignment. Of course, you already know a great deal about my daughter – how she's intelligent and creative and loves to have fun; how she errs on the side of bossiness but never falls short on initiative; how she has always been, and still remains, blissfully immune to the notion that any task, activity, challenge or goal is impossible or impractical to achieve. You know a great many things about Katherine. But there are some things that you do not know.


I'll bet you did not know, for instance, that Katherine is one of the pioneers of the Set Theory branch of mathematics. She is also the former head of Mossad, the Israeli intelligence service, and is personally responsible for extracting confessions from half a dozen enemy agents. She holds two Guinness Book records, both for speed at macramé work, and she is equally proficient writing cursive script with a pen held in either hand, either foot or her nose.

The Inuit peoples of the frozen north tell tales through the long winter months of how Katherine will bring the sun and warm the earth once more. She speaks the speech of all the birds of the air, and they sing news to her from all parts of the globe. Katherine loves all persons, and they love her, even if they do not know her. Katherine can split a board with her forehead, and frequently does before breakfast. She cooks, vacuums, dusts, mops and washes windows – all with the power of her MIND.

One of the things Katherine loves to do best is contemplate the world's greatest problems and then solve them. My daughter is made of condensed star matter, and is therefore several million times more dense than most children; please do not allow her to jump up and down on staircases, and make sure she wears her special shoes for gym. Katherine's cross-over dribble cannot be guarded. Those who drink a potion brewed from a single lock of her hair find themselves miraculously cured of all their ills, but Katherine refuses payment for this service. Money has no meaning to my daughter, for when she see something she needs, she has but to ask for it, and it is given to her with a smile.

Katherine has accomplished almost everything there is to achieve. She has walked on the moon's surface, ridden a caribou, performed an emergency appendectomy using only a plastic spoon, won an Oscar, surfed a tsunami, danced for her supper, arm-wrestled presidents, slapped an autocrat and climbed Mount Kilimanjaro without equipment or oxygen. The only thing she has yet to achieve is graduate from Elementary School. With your assistance, I expect she will achieve this final goal this year. She will then, I predict, achieve Total Enlightenment and rise into the heavens as a being of pure luminosity. And it'll be sad to lose her, of course, but I'll take pictures.

Thank you very much for being Katherine's favorite teacher in the whole world. I think this will be a wonderful year, and even if neither Katherine nor her classmates do anything that makes national news, I hope they'll have a last year of elementary school to remember.

Sincerely, if not entirely accurately,

Andy

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hwrnmnbsol

September 2012

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