Feb. 10th, 2011

Hey everybody, I have just had the most exhausting day. I have just finished sixteen hours straight at new archaeological digs, unearthing the fossils of humans that are next to the fossils of dinosaurs and smuggling them out. You have no idea how hard it is to stay one step ahead of the Creation Museum and their prying eyes. It’s getting to the point where it’s just not worth it working for the Science Conspiracy Directorate any more.

It was all fun and games in the beginning. When I started I was straight out of school, and Al Motherfucking Gore was giving the keynote address at Indoctrination Camp. Then there was the romance of breaking into every single worldwide weather data site and cooking the books to show a slow upward trend in global temperatures. Believe me, there is no rush quite so powerful as defeating entrenched truth with fake science.

Then there was the summer I interned for the powerful Ozone Depletion Lobby. Oh, they tried to discredit us and our baseless ‘atmospheric science’, but they couldn’t overpower the special interest dollars of our lucrative believing-in-ozone-depletion business ventures. Sure, all ozone really comes from volcanoes and is actually good for your skin, but we couldn’t let anything happen to the profitable worldwide high-SPF sun tan lotion franchises!

So all that was amusing once, but now it’s just a dull grind. It’s no fun anymore to lie about how effective immunization is so that parents will ignore significant health risks to their children. I no longer even care about making people believe we went to the moon. I’ve been there and done that. I just want a new challenge – one where I can make people eat bees, or stir their pudding widdershins.

But for now, to bed. Tomorrow, more paleontology and then I’m checking Monster.com at lunch.



September 2012

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