hwrnmnbsol (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
hwrnmnbsol) wrote2011-05-15 07:44 pm
hwrnmnbsol) wrote2011-05-15 07:44 pm
Sea Urchins
Oo-er; terrible troubles, lovelies, that's what we gots. It's never a joy and a lark hereabouts on the mudside. See, you gots the "have's", and you gots the "hasn'ts". If you happens to be stuck on Terra Firma, see, now you knows where you stands. You is a "hasn't". Cause if you is a "have", you don't care to be stuck, see? You straps on a rocket, right, and it pulls you UP UP ANNAWAY, up inna sky, off to a better place. You go on to a place where there's food to eat, and less of the bad iodine in the water, and it's all shiny times and gravy in your soup. And then, when you gots to take a shit, it falls down, down, DOWN the gravity well, and it hits the "hasn'ts" onna head. Which is hard luck and all, just part o'the cost of doin' business, see.
Well, boy, now I'm gonna explain it to you thusly. I'm gonna explain it right and proper so's you don't go saying, OO, EE, me Poppy nicks stuff, he's a STINKIN THIEF. That would hurt me pride, it would, and I'd have to beat you stoutly. I want you to understand whats I'm saying, which is this: sometimes, when the "have's" take a shit, and that shit hits the "hasn'ts" onna head, then sometimes the "have's" come calling and say, OI, we wants our shit back. And for the poor bloke who has just had his head shat upon, it is perfectly kosher and apropos for that devil to say NO, this shit hit me nogs and I shall be keeping it, thankewverymuch.
Now, it's really just like that, boy, only we has to change a few words here and there to make it complete and proper. For "have's", I want you to swap in "rich bastards who is rocketing away from the Earth like rats leaving the sinking ship". Also, for "take a shit", I want to substitute "drop bits of rocketry what could possibly be reused for other launches".
The "hasn'ts" is still us, just to keep it simple-like.
How it happens is like this:
The rocketing peoples build the big heavy-lift rockets in California. They're great bloody fireworks that just go up and up and up until the blue sky goes black and you can see the stars, even inna daylight, and then you float all about the cabin. Nah, I swear it's true.
Now this rocket, it can't get all the way up to space in one big burn. They have to do it in stages. The first stage is a big tube at the bottom of the rocket, and it burns its stupid little heart out until it's got nothin' in the tank. Then the first stage lets go, and the rest of the rocket is lighter, so when stage two lights up, it gets 'em up even higher. Then stage two drops and stage three gets 'em into space. But meanwhile these great bloody spent rocket tubes from the first two stages goes falling down, down, DOWN, until they drop inna Pacific, ker-SPLOOSH.
You can see 'em fall at night from the Raft when we're anchored off Vanuatu. It is not easy to get a good track from onna Raft, especially when the sea is high, but we does our best. And sometimes when the waves are really high, we drag all our tracking gear onto some island, risk a few rads, and get a really solid spot. Then we follow the falling stage one and two until it hits the ocean.
What we do is we has Old Otto and SuperBill inna right general part o'the ocean before they hit. Stage One hits first and Old Otto takes that; SuperBill takes Stage Two. Both has their old submersibles, big blocky brutes what they used to use layin' cables onna ocean floor, good for grabbin' heavy stuff and truckin' it about.
Old Otto has the easy job. That's because Stage One is big, right, and they need a special boat to haul it up on, which is a modified Battleship, slow as an oilslick, takes forever to get where it's going. The rocket bits, when they hit they deploy a balloon wivva radio widget, supposed to keep the tube from sinking, and meanwhile it is singing ALLO ALLO I AM ERE GENTS, I SHOULD LIKE TO BE PICKED UP FROM THE MALL NOW MUMMY, so when the Rich Bastards hear that signal, they relaxes and sez OO AH, ALL'S WELL, and they send the big ship crawlin' over to get it. But Old Otto, he clips the cable and hangs a trawl-net full of shells from the balloon and takes the Stage One in tow. Hours later when the battleship hauls up its catch, it's quite a surprise right?
Stage Two is trickier. Not so big, so any old ship can track the balloon and haul it up, yeah? SuperBill has him a job to do. He gets there just minutes before the rich bastards do; no time for trickeration. He smashes the radio and clips the cable. Then he clamps the rocket bit to the underside of his sub, yeah? And he also sticks some nosecone-shaped bits onna front, and some propeller-shaped bits onna back, and then he sinks back down to cruising depth. Then a destroyer comes about, and they sez ALLO MATES, SEEN A GREAT BLOODY ROCKET LATELY? And SuperBill is like NAAAH BLOKES, JUST GOIN ABOUT ME BIZ, and then the destroyer sez IS YOU SURE? COS SONAR SAYS YER SUB IS LOOKIN A BIT ROCKETY ROUND THE EDGES, and then SuperBill sweats it and says TOSS OFF and runs deep. Whats they gonna do, bomb a civilian?
It's a good plan. It'll net us stages one and two of a rocket. We're clever little nubbins, us sea urchins; we'll figure out how to make ourselves a stage three soon enough. And then who's the have's, eh?
Well, boy, now I'm gonna explain it to you thusly. I'm gonna explain it right and proper so's you don't go saying, OO, EE, me Poppy nicks stuff, he's a STINKIN THIEF. That would hurt me pride, it would, and I'd have to beat you stoutly. I want you to understand whats I'm saying, which is this: sometimes, when the "have's" take a shit, and that shit hits the "hasn'ts" onna head, then sometimes the "have's" come calling and say, OI, we wants our shit back. And for the poor bloke who has just had his head shat upon, it is perfectly kosher and apropos for that devil to say NO, this shit hit me nogs and I shall be keeping it, thankewverymuch.
Now, it's really just like that, boy, only we has to change a few words here and there to make it complete and proper. For "have's", I want you to swap in "rich bastards who is rocketing away from the Earth like rats leaving the sinking ship". Also, for "take a shit", I want to substitute "drop bits of rocketry what could possibly be reused for other launches".
The "hasn'ts" is still us, just to keep it simple-like.
How it happens is like this:
The rocketing peoples build the big heavy-lift rockets in California. They're great bloody fireworks that just go up and up and up until the blue sky goes black and you can see the stars, even inna daylight, and then you float all about the cabin. Nah, I swear it's true.
Now this rocket, it can't get all the way up to space in one big burn. They have to do it in stages. The first stage is a big tube at the bottom of the rocket, and it burns its stupid little heart out until it's got nothin' in the tank. Then the first stage lets go, and the rest of the rocket is lighter, so when stage two lights up, it gets 'em up even higher. Then stage two drops and stage three gets 'em into space. But meanwhile these great bloody spent rocket tubes from the first two stages goes falling down, down, DOWN, until they drop inna Pacific, ker-SPLOOSH.
You can see 'em fall at night from the Raft when we're anchored off Vanuatu. It is not easy to get a good track from onna Raft, especially when the sea is high, but we does our best. And sometimes when the waves are really high, we drag all our tracking gear onto some island, risk a few rads, and get a really solid spot. Then we follow the falling stage one and two until it hits the ocean.
What we do is we has Old Otto and SuperBill inna right general part o'the ocean before they hit. Stage One hits first and Old Otto takes that; SuperBill takes Stage Two. Both has their old submersibles, big blocky brutes what they used to use layin' cables onna ocean floor, good for grabbin' heavy stuff and truckin' it about.
Old Otto has the easy job. That's because Stage One is big, right, and they need a special boat to haul it up on, which is a modified Battleship, slow as an oilslick, takes forever to get where it's going. The rocket bits, when they hit they deploy a balloon wivva radio widget, supposed to keep the tube from sinking, and meanwhile it is singing ALLO ALLO I AM ERE GENTS, I SHOULD LIKE TO BE PICKED UP FROM THE MALL NOW MUMMY, so when the Rich Bastards hear that signal, they relaxes and sez OO AH, ALL'S WELL, and they send the big ship crawlin' over to get it. But Old Otto, he clips the cable and hangs a trawl-net full of shells from the balloon and takes the Stage One in tow. Hours later when the battleship hauls up its catch, it's quite a surprise right?
Stage Two is trickier. Not so big, so any old ship can track the balloon and haul it up, yeah? SuperBill has him a job to do. He gets there just minutes before the rich bastards do; no time for trickeration. He smashes the radio and clips the cable. Then he clamps the rocket bit to the underside of his sub, yeah? And he also sticks some nosecone-shaped bits onna front, and some propeller-shaped bits onna back, and then he sinks back down to cruising depth. Then a destroyer comes about, and they sez ALLO MATES, SEEN A GREAT BLOODY ROCKET LATELY? And SuperBill is like NAAAH BLOKES, JUST GOIN ABOUT ME BIZ, and then the destroyer sez IS YOU SURE? COS SONAR SAYS YER SUB IS LOOKIN A BIT ROCKETY ROUND THE EDGES, and then SuperBill sweats it and says TOSS OFF and runs deep. Whats they gonna do, bomb a civilian?
It's a good plan. It'll net us stages one and two of a rocket. We're clever little nubbins, us sea urchins; we'll figure out how to make ourselves a stage three soon enough. And then who's the have's, eh?