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The Ballad of Ted Williams
Mar. 2nd, 2011 11:49 pmAttention: baseball season is here. That is all.
He stirred in his freezer in Scottsdale, the greatest hitter baseball had ever known. Nobody knew what it was that caused him to come back to life. Perhaps it was Barry Bonds’ case advancing, or disharmony in the Universal Sports Vibrations related to the looming NFL work stoppage, or a stray comet. But come back to life he did, and with a mission.
The door to the freezer in ALCOR shook as he fumbled and jiggered with the handle. Finally his frozen fingers traced out the window in the door, and with a balled fist he smashed the glass. He cleared the glass out of the frame, caring nothing for the sharp edges, and reached through to release the door latch from the outside. He stepped through into the lab – Ted Williams, baseball legend, left fielder for the Boston Red Sox, and the most recent man to bat over .400 in a season. He raised his fists, released from his frozen slumber and prison.
But something was wrong. He couldn’t see anything. Ted Williams groped for his face, but his numb fingers couldn’t feel anything. It took him a few minutes to figure out the problem - he didn’t have a head. Some say a clumsy ALCOR employee broke it off while moving his body. Others whisper of conspiracy, saying scientists wanted to dissect his brain to find out what made him such a hitting prodigy. But regardless of why it might have been, Ted Williams had no head – and he wasn’t happy. He roared with rage, although in the absence of his head it came out of his jagged neck-stump as a kind of whistling sound.
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He stirred in his freezer in Scottsdale, the greatest hitter baseball had ever known. Nobody knew what it was that caused him to come back to life. Perhaps it was Barry Bonds’ case advancing, or disharmony in the Universal Sports Vibrations related to the looming NFL work stoppage, or a stray comet. But come back to life he did, and with a mission.
The door to the freezer in ALCOR shook as he fumbled and jiggered with the handle. Finally his frozen fingers traced out the window in the door, and with a balled fist he smashed the glass. He cleared the glass out of the frame, caring nothing for the sharp edges, and reached through to release the door latch from the outside. He stepped through into the lab – Ted Williams, baseball legend, left fielder for the Boston Red Sox, and the most recent man to bat over .400 in a season. He raised his fists, released from his frozen slumber and prison.
But something was wrong. He couldn’t see anything. Ted Williams groped for his face, but his numb fingers couldn’t feel anything. It took him a few minutes to figure out the problem - he didn’t have a head. Some say a clumsy ALCOR employee broke it off while moving his body. Others whisper of conspiracy, saying scientists wanted to dissect his brain to find out what made him such a hitting prodigy. But regardless of why it might have been, Ted Williams had no head – and he wasn’t happy. He roared with rage, although in the absence of his head it came out of his jagged neck-stump as a kind of whistling sound.
( Read more... )
