![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
The voices, that's what. They mostly got the look right on the characters; they threw us ol-skool fans plenty of bones without making it too arcane for the newcomers; there's plenty of ass-kicking and ass-phasing and hull-torpedoing. It's everything you could hope for out of a franchise reboot.
But the voices -- oh dear God, what the hell happened there? What made Old Spock into the icon he is today was the queer overlay of that deep, raspy, dry-as-the-desert voice upon this fey paragon of perfect logic. New Spock sounds like a peevish weenie, and when you overlay *that* on something that *looks* like Spock, you basically just get the Asian pre-med student who is suspicious of your request to borrow his HP graphing calculator.
And what the fuck is up with James T. Kirk and his whining? James T. Kirk does not whine! Shout, yes. Bark, yes. Purpled face, bulging neck vein, KHAAAAN!, yes yes yes. But anything even remotely approaching sniveling is just wrong. I felt there was too much sniveliness going on. Look, let's reimagine this movie. Take any part where Kirk gets hurt and makes some kind of 'Owie!' noise. Now imagine that instead of saying 'Owie!', Kirk screws up his face, glares at the attacker, and hisses "I'll see you in Hell!" There, now isn't that better? or at least more Kirk-like?
Scotty -- ah, Scotty. More drunken Scotsman, please, and less Monty Python. I swear, there were at least two separate times when I thought he was going to say 'Pointed Stick!'
The best thing about Uhura used to be her voice, too. In a word, Rowr. New Uhura -- well, I'm not sure I ever got the point of noticing her speaking. In another word, Rowr.
I just don't know if this is going to work out. For the old Star Trek movies, the even numbered ones were the best, and maybe that will hold true with the new series. Maybe in the 2nd movie Spock will suffer a throat injury and get all growly, and Kirk will get his shirt ripped off while wrestling with a large styrofoam boulder, and Scotty will hit the sauce, and Uhura will say nothing during her full frontal nude scene, and the Enterprise will fight off three of those burrito-shaped planet-killer things and then chill on an asteroid where the crew can brawl with Klingons and Gorns simultaneously, only to discover that the moonlet is really William Shatner. I don't care. I just want them to make it sound right so the VOICES IN MY HEAD WILL STOP.
But the voices -- oh dear God, what the hell happened there? What made Old Spock into the icon he is today was the queer overlay of that deep, raspy, dry-as-the-desert voice upon this fey paragon of perfect logic. New Spock sounds like a peevish weenie, and when you overlay *that* on something that *looks* like Spock, you basically just get the Asian pre-med student who is suspicious of your request to borrow his HP graphing calculator.
And what the fuck is up with James T. Kirk and his whining? James T. Kirk does not whine! Shout, yes. Bark, yes. Purpled face, bulging neck vein, KHAAAAN!, yes yes yes. But anything even remotely approaching sniveling is just wrong. I felt there was too much sniveliness going on. Look, let's reimagine this movie. Take any part where Kirk gets hurt and makes some kind of 'Owie!' noise. Now imagine that instead of saying 'Owie!', Kirk screws up his face, glares at the attacker, and hisses "I'll see you in Hell!" There, now isn't that better? or at least more Kirk-like?
Scotty -- ah, Scotty. More drunken Scotsman, please, and less Monty Python. I swear, there were at least two separate times when I thought he was going to say 'Pointed Stick!'
The best thing about Uhura used to be her voice, too. In a word, Rowr. New Uhura -- well, I'm not sure I ever got the point of noticing her speaking. In another word, Rowr.
I just don't know if this is going to work out. For the old Star Trek movies, the even numbered ones were the best, and maybe that will hold true with the new series. Maybe in the 2nd movie Spock will suffer a throat injury and get all growly, and Kirk will get his shirt ripped off while wrestling with a large styrofoam boulder, and Scotty will hit the sauce, and Uhura will say nothing during her full frontal nude scene, and the Enterprise will fight off three of those burrito-shaped planet-killer things and then chill on an asteroid where the crew can brawl with Klingons and Gorns simultaneously, only to discover that the moonlet is really William Shatner. I don't care. I just want them to make it sound right so the VOICES IN MY HEAD WILL STOP.
