Bush Administration Invokes Catch-22

WASHINGTON (Reuters) -- Americans should cut back on their consumption of gasoline, President George W. Bush said in comments to reporters on Thursday.

"But there's a catch!" added Vice President Dick Cheney, grinning from ear to ear. "Catch-22!"

"You see," explained Bush, "for years this administration has been systematically discouraging the development of more efficient engine technologies."

"The whole thing about America loving SUV's? that was our idea!" chirped Cheney.

"Not that we're beholden to oil interests, despite our shared personal and family business backgrounds," clarified Bush, winking at Cheney.

"Nawwwwww!" grinned Cheney.

"Nahhhhh!" replied Bush, and the two exchanged a hearty high-five before turning serious once again.

"No, so, anyway," continued Bush, "the only vehicles you have to consume less gas with are the very guzzlers we encouraged the market to mass-produce."

"We suppose you could use mass transit...." mused Cheney slyly.

"....except we've been slashing funding every year since this administration came to office!" crowed Bush.

"Now, keep in mind," Cheney added sternly, "in this time of national catastrophe and crisis, the oil industry has been very hard hit."

"Extremely hard hit," echoed Bush. "So hard hit they've had to increase gasoline prices by as much as a dollar per gallon across the country, the poor dears."

"Naturally, during this uncertain period, we're going to have to do what we can to shore up our energy industry," proclaimed Cheney solemnly.

"Except," concluded Bush happily, "you need to buy less gas! It's, you know, a catch!"

"Catch-22!" shouted Cheney, standing on his chair with both index fingers stabbing upwards.