Oct. 31st, 2011

Ding Dong

Oct. 31st, 2011 10:28 pm
Everybody ready? Goodie bowls prepared? Dry ice machine running? Dogs sedated? Yes? All right; here we go!

DING DONG

Hi! Happy Halloween! Yes, I see that you're Spiderman. Very nice. Here's some candy. Hello! What are you, some kind of princess? Oh, you're a witch-princess. Didn't catch that at first. Awesome. Candy for you. Say cheese!

Who are you guys? Guys in… skull masks? So you're the famous Skull Head Gang! Ha ha, no, I don't get it either. I'd like to give each of you a piece of candy. A small piece. No, not more than one. That's right. Come back next year, when you're feeling creative.

Jesus! Kids this days. I remember when I was young and had a criminal record… here come some more!

DING DONG

Hello! Happy Easter! Only kidding; Easter's when we dress up as Pharisees and get candy. Yeah, lady, I was only fooling around. Yes, ma'am. No, ma'am. Yes, ma'am. I'm sorry, ma'am. Hey, would your kids like an entire handful of candy so you'll shut up and go away? That's a winner for everybody. Yes, ma'am. Bitch.

Good evening! Hello, Spiderman the Second! You sure you're not the same Spiderman? No, you're shorter. Have some candy. Goodbye. Watch out for the Green Goblin, and J. Michael Straczynski! Say cheese!

Ah. Here's something new. A kid in a box! What are you? No, don't tell me; let me guess. You're a robot? No. You're a TARDIS! No. You're an unwanted baby in a dumpster! Okay, I give up.

You're the unshakeable feeling that we all may be alone?

Wow. Forget candy; would you like a camera?

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