Oct. 6th, 2011

I read on the internet this morning that we lost Jobs. My first reaction was that this is not news. I've been reading stories about us losing Jobs since 2009, when the economy first went into the crapper, and frankly I'm just numb to it now. So you can imagine my surprise to see the outpouring of emotion in reaction to this latest loss of Jobs.

There are a number of extraordinary things being said that make me just shake my head. For instance, today I've seen multiple people express some variation upon the theme that "Jobs has changed our lives in profound ways, largely for the better". Okay: DUH. Yeah, sure, being employed is a transformative experience, and not being a penniless hobo is too. You know what else has changed my life in a good way? Oxygen. Man, where would I be now without aerobic respiration?

Even weaker is this talk I hear about how crazy it is that Jobs was never voted _Time_Magazine_'s Person of the Year. Yeah, first of all, if you care so much about magazines, I hear the AARP newsletter has a great article on Pat Boone. Next, voting 'Jobs' as Person of the Year would be the biggest cop-out since, well, that time they nominated The Computer. Hey, here's an idea: how about making the Person of the Year an actual person in the news – like Al Qaeda, or this Wally Street I keep hearing about.

Look, right here on CNN it's saying that Jobs has been in poor health for a long time. See, it's been going down for a long time. Jobs has seemed weak; Jobs looking surprisingly thin – story after story for months and months about our economy's downward spiral. So quit with the crocodile tears, people; unless you've been living under a rock that's dense enough to prevent wireless from reaching your iPad, you've been living with a Jobs crisis for a long time now. Honestly, people; it's not like somebody DIED.

Let's just all get a grip for a second. Okay, we've lost Jobs; let's just face that fact. I get that people are angry and sad about this; all those young people are camping out in New York because none of them have Jobs and that's upsetting. I get it. But where do we go now? Answer: we've lost the Old Jobs. It's time to get New Jobs. We can't just sit around moaning about Jobslessness; if we want Jobs, it's up to us to create them. So, I say, let's get busy making Jobs! We have the will and the technology to do it; if we really want to get Jobs back, we need to start building from the ground up. So everybody grab a shovel and start digging; with a little American perspiration and resourcefulness, we can pull together everything we need to cobble together some Jobs and bring our economy back to life.

Honestly, people, with respect to the tech industry especially, the Jobs checked out a long time ago. The tech bubble burst back when Enron was awesome. We need to stop thinking about Jobs that just aren't there anymore. You have to focus on what IS, and not what WOZ.

….what? what did I say?

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